Recently, after a bit of a break away, I had a couple of shifts working in A&E. I really enjoy working in that environment, not least for the interest factor. Some shifts in particular I find that I can entertain myself for hours trying to figure out the real story behind the euphemisms I’m regaled with. Predictably, there were an assortment of unfortunates who pitched up hoping to be fixed. In one day I dealt with;
- A man who said that he ‘accidentally licked the tip of the spatula – you know what I mean?’ while he was etching metal with acid and sustained burns, not to his tongue, but to the uvula – that’s the bit that dangles down at the back of your throat
- A man who said he was ‘dusting the picture rail’ while standing on a ladder that slipped from under him causing him to fracture his knee-cap (patella)
- The young lad who cut his hand on a broken glass while ‘washing up’
- Finally, a man who had ‘been walking the dog’ through a park (wearing long trousers) and arrived home to discover that an opportunistic tick had attached itself firmly right in his buttock crease
While I actually don’t know what some of these euphemisms may stand for, I don’t think that any of them came close to describing the reality.
I reflected on how the tick may have really got-where-it-got while I cautiously removed it from the buttock, and just this once I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt…. but, the story about the man ‘dusting the picture rail’ – you don’t really expect me to believe that do you?!